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Tips for Family Members:
- Do something special to welcome your service member home.
- Be patient and tolerant while giving your loved one time to adjust to being home. Accept that they may feel and behave differently.
- Schedule family time and activities, but also remember to participate in your own activities and interests.
- Stick to your household budget.
- Don’t be surprised if your service member is a little hurt by how well you were able to run the household and manage the children/elder parents.
- Children may test the limits of the family rules now that the service member is home. Be prepared with clear and firm instructions on the rules that they should follow.
- Intimacies with a spouse or partner are important, but remember to be realistic. Engaging in possibly unworkable fantasies such as the “most” romantic dinner or expectations of a second honeymoon may lead to disappointment. Take your time.
Tips for Servicemen and Women:
- Spend time with the entire family. Show an interest in family members’ activities and expect it to take time to become reacquainted.
- Resist the temptation to criticize the way things have been handled while you were gone. Consider the possibility that your family has changed also.
- Don’t be surprised if some family members resent your deployment. Depending on your assignment, some family members may feel like they have had to endure more stress than you.
- Prepare for infants and small children to be shy or even fearful around you at first.
- Resist the temptation to go on a spending spree to celebrate your return. Keep to your budget.
- Go slow, take time to get reacquainted and reestablish intimate relations with your spouse or partner.
- Most importantly, make time to talk with your loved ones.
The full impact of the emotional toll that deployment takes from troops and their families may not be fully realized for years in the future. However, the saying “you recruit the soldier and you retain the family” remains true today. Psychological services are available for the family as well as for the service member and may be needed for re-entry. Seek help from a local military installation mental health unit, TRICARE health care provider contact, or from psychologists in the community at: www.findapsychologist.org.
Tips for clinicians:
- The outpouring of support that our returning veterans and their families has received is truly gratifying. Thousands of mental health professionals have indicated their willingness to work with these veterans and their families. Numerous resources are available to them. Indeed, one of the more challenging aspects of dealing with veterans is navigating the vast number of resource options that may be available to them, both within and outside the military and the Veteran’s Administration. This is something that may be challenging to both veterans and clinicians alike, so, while many of our colleagues have experience with the military or the VA, advance research is important.
- PTSD and traumatic brain injury in military veterans is distinct from that experienced by survivors of other trauma. The military culture is unique, and clinicians should take pains to ensure that they familiarize themselves with this culture and the unique challenges facing veterans before attempting to provide services.
- Most military families, and the families of certain reservists, are eligible for care from TRICARE providers. Find rules for eligibility at www.tricare.osd.mil
- The VA has a wealth of resources. Military retirees, most reservists, and recently discharged veterans who have served in Iraq are eligible for VA benefits. Rules for eligibility may be found at www.VA.gov.
- A number of important clinical resources are also available on the web. The Department of Defense sponsored Deployment Health Clinical Center has many excellent references, including evidence based treatment protocols, at www.pdhealth.mil/guidelines.
- The VA’s National Center for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder also has a comprehensive website that outlines numerous references for scholars, clinicians, and veterans, at www.ncptsd.va.gov
- Finally, our colleague Ken Pope has published a very nice compilation of resources regarding issues pertaining to returning veterans. These may be found at his website kspope.com/torvic/war.php
Author: Dr. Settles,
a former United States Army Colonel, is the owner
of Settles Counseling Services and former director
of the Behavioral Health Activity at Darnall Army
Community Hospital in Fort Hood. Dr. Settles is a former member of the National Register Board of Directors. |
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