Although pre-deployment and deployment strategies are critical, identifying and practicing sound post-deployment communication principles also help family members and servicemen and women adjust. Often these principles are mistakenly overlooked due to the common perception that homecoming is a joyous time. Although this may be the case for some families, homecoming can also present a new set of challenges. Both the returning soldier and family left behind should focus on communication principles to ease the transition.
Tips for Family Members:
- Do something special to welcome your service member home.
- Be patient and tolerant while giving your loved one time to adjust to being home. Accept that they may feel and behave differently.
- Schedule family time and activities, but also remember to participate in your own activities and interests.
- Stick to your household budget.
- Don’t be surprised if your service member is a little hurt by how well you were able to run the household and manage the children/elder parents.
- Children may test the limits of the family rules now that the service member is home. Be prepared with clear and firm instructions on the rules that they should follow.
- Intimacies with a spouse or partner are important, but remember to be realistic. Engaging in possibly unworkable fantasies such as the “most” romantic dinner or expectations of a second honeymoon may lead to disappointment. Take your time.
Tips for Servicemen and Women:
- Spend time with the entire family. Show an interest in family members’ activities and expect it to take time to become reacquainted.
- Resist the temptation to criticize the way things have been handled while you were gone. Consider the possibility that your family has changed also.
- Don’t be surprised if some family members resent your deployment. Depending on your assignment, some family members may feel like they have had to endure more stress than you.
- Prepare for infants and small children to be shy or even fearful around you at first.
- Resist the temptation to go on a spending spree to celebrate your return. Keep to your budget.
- Go slow, take time to get reacquainted and reestablish intimate relations with your spouse or partner.
- Most importantly, make time to talk with your loved ones.
The full impact of the emotional toll that deployment takes from troops and their families may not be fully realized for years in the future. However, the saying “you recruit the soldier and you retain the family” remains true today. Psychological services are available for the family as well as for the service member and may be needed for re-entry. Seek help from a local military installation mental health unit, TRICARE health care provider contact, or from psychologists in the community at: www.findapsychologist.org.
